"A Little Advice" Shoes

"The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching. For the Scripture says, 'Do not muzzle the ox while it is treading out the grain,' and ' The worker deserves his wages.' " (1 Tim 5:17-18)

As the beginning of June approaches, I am reminded that this is often the time of year when pastors may leave one church setting and move to another. School is almost finished, so the time is convenient for most families to plan a move. With this in mind, here is a little advice to those churches who would like to see their current pastor leave when he shows no signs of doing so on his own. The following list of time-tested ideas should bring about the desired result:

• When hiring a new staff member who will be working closely with your senior pastor, be sure to select the individual that the senior pastor does not prefer.
• When you provide annual reviews of the senior pastor, make certain that you give him an unhealthy dose of negative feedback. 
• Whenever someone leaves your church, or some other difficulty occurs within the church, always find a way to blame it on the senior pastor.
• If you are the executive pastor and are a part of a meeting between the senior pastor and another staff member, please allow that staff member to yell at and disrespect the senior pastor without comment or correction.
• When the senior pastor has made it clear that a specific idea should not be considered, simply ignore his expressed opinion and bring it directly to the elders. Remember to assist the elders in choosing the best talking points to "sell" the idea to the congregation.
• Encourage others involved in the Sunday morning service to take additional time, thereby limiting the amount of time available for the sermon.
• Establish a sermon review committee to advise the senior pastor about his sermons. Make sure the committee includes high school students.
• When the senior pastor finally writes an 8 page letter listing a variety of concerns that he has concerning the direction of the church and his role as senior pastor, simply ignore the issues raised and do not even mention the letter at the following elders' meeting.
• If the senior pastor finally resigns, ask him to withdraw the resignation to make an appearance of trying to resolve the issues.
• Finally, even though the senior pastor does NOT resubmit his resignation, give him a call on Wednesday and let him know that the following Sunday (the one only four days away) will be his last.

This list of bullet points is not all inclusive, but it should achieve the desired result of removing your current senior pastor. Though he is a man of integrity, an expounder of Truth, and a servant-leader, you will succeed. Another set of bullet points concerning how to treat the senior pastor after he has left your church may be available at another date.

But wait, what about the verses from 1 Timothy that are shown at the top of this post? That is a very good question.

Tea Shoes

"Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." (Galatians 6:10)

It was last week that I wore my tea shoes, but the blogger was making repairs, so I could not share with you the pleasure of wearing them. I have fought through the drama of uploading a picture (current photo not my first choice...) and am now ready to begin.

About five years ago, our former place of ministry had struggled through a very difficult crisis. Close friends left the church, and I felt the need to develop deeper relationships with the wives of the others on the ministry staff. I had begun to learn about the art of serving tea, and decided to begin hosting "high teas" in my home for these women. These teas involved the preparation of a lot of food as well as decorating to make the table beautiful and inviting. Tea time was from 11:00 until 1:00 and included the enjoyment of all the food as well as a time of sharing and prayer for each other, our husbands, and the church.I sent out the invitations about 4 weeks before the day of the tea and waited to hear if anyone would come. All but one responded that they would come!The first tea was followed by many more and produced a closer bond between myself and the other wives.

Five years later, I no longer can provide "high teas" for the wives of ministry staff. If I did, that tea would include one person: me. What to do? How could I use the gift of tea in our new ministry? I had a thought: why not serve "high tea" for the women of this new body of believers? It was impossible to serve everyone at the same time, so I decided to break the women down into age groups, limiting the invitations to no more than ten at a time. In addition, I planned to hostess these teas every other month. So that no one would feel slighted, I placed a notice in our newsletter to let women know that if they were not invited the first time, they would be in the future.

Eagerly I planned the first tea menu of my new venture. The first course was fresh salad greens, the second included two different scones - currant and cheese. "Devonshire cream" was to be served with the scones as well as blackberry jam. Scones were followed by tea sandwiches: cucumber, chicken salad, and raisin bread with cream cheese. The dessert course featured a chocolate covered strawberry, raspberry tart, and chocolate truffle. Assorted teas were to be served throughout the time together. I looked forward to using my lace tablecloth and china teacups to help create the ambiance. The goal of all the preparation was to make the women coming into my home feel special. Without a spoken word I wanted to communicate, "You are my sisters and I value you."

As the women arrived and sat around the table, something beautiful began to happen. Everyone relaxed and began to converse with one another. We all had seen each other on Sunday mornings, but suddenly things were shared that would never have been shared in the Sunday church setting. A precious fellowship emerged and blossomed in my dining room.

That first tea ended with a time of prayer. Since then I have given a second tea with much the same result. Plans for the next tea are in the development stage. The women in the church are beginning to feel more connected and at ease with one another. It has been wonderful.

Dear Sisters, I share this story to encourage you to consider wearing tea shoes. You do not need to provide all the food that I have described here! How about simply serving tea and scones? Limit those you invite to how many can fit around your table. Use a cloth tablecloth and napkins. Bring out the candles and fresh flowers, even if the flowers are from a nearby field. Strive to make the women you invite feel special. "But, I don't even know what scones are!", you might say. No worry. I am including a recipe at the bottom of this post. The recipe is from a book entitled, "Simply Scones", by Leslie Weiner and Barbara Albright. You can make them!

If for some reason you have no desire to serve tea, I urge you to consider what you might like to serve in the intimacy of your dining room. Paul states it very succinctly in Romans 12:13b: "Practice hospitality".
Hospitality removes walls of protection and opens the doors to a sharing of hearts. Prayerfully seek how you can be used to open doors to new relationships.

Apricot,White Chocolate and Walnut Scones

2 cups flour  , 1/3 cup granulated sugar, 2 teaspoons baking powder, 1/2 tsp salt, 1/4 cup unsalted butter (chilled), 1/2 cup heavy cream, 1 large egg, 1 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract, 6 oz. white chocolate, cut into 1/2 inch pieces, 1 cup coarsely broken walnuts, 1 cup finely chopped dried apricots

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a large bowl, stir together the flour, sugar, baking powder and salt. Cut the butter into 1/2 inch cubes and distribute them over the flour mixture. With a pastry blender or two knives used scissors fashion, cut in the butter until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs. In a small bowl, stir together cream, egg, and vanilla. Add the cream mixture to the flour mixture and knead until combined. Knead in the white chocolate, walnuts, and apricots.                 With slightly floured hands, pat the dough into a 9 inch diameter circle in the center of an ungreased baking sheet. With a serrated knife, cut circle into 8 wedges. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes, or until the top is lightly browned.     Remove the baking sheet to a wire rack and cool 5 minutes. Using a spatula, transfer the scones to the wire rack to cool. Recut into wedges, if necessary. Serve warm or cool completely and store in an airtight container.           Makes 8 scones. 

One last reminder: 1 Peter 4:9! 

Mommy Shoes

It was 26 years ago that I first put on my "Mommy Shoes". After 21 hours of labor, I held our firstborn child, a little girl. The wonder of seeing this precious little life was overwhelming. Her tiny rosebud mouth, delicate fingers and dainty feet reminded me of Psalm 139:14 :

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." 

Over the course of years, we enjoyed the blessing of four more children to our family - a boy, a girl, and then two more boys. Each birth brought great wonder and greater responsibility. As disciples of Jesus, my husband and I understood that our responsibility included more than the provision of food, clothing, and shelter. Our greatest responsibility was to make our children disciples of Jesus Christ!

As a PW, the task of raising the children tends to fall more heavily upon us than upon our pastor-husbands. It is just the way it is. A pastor's schedule is full and unpredictable at times. He will often be gone during the day, and then during the evening as well. Sundays usually involve getting yourself and the children ready without the assistance of your husband. This means that you also must get everyone in the car and to their appropriate nurseries/classes on your own too! ( I remember expressing to my husband that at times I felt like a single mom. Have you ever felt that way?)

How should the PW respond to this extra level of responsibility? One response is to complain. This is not very productive! Complaining does not help your children and it certainly does not help your husband. A second response is to recognize that this is part of your ministry within the church as well as your ministry to your husband. Romans 12:1 always succeeds in giving me the right perspective:

" Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship."

But what about those times when you are absolutely exhausted and need a break? Let me share a few ideas to enable you to persevere:

• Have a regular weekly "meeting" with your husband to discuss schedules, any issues with your children, and to pray about the week. My husband and I have done this at different times as our family dynamics have changed through the years. 
• Schedule a date with your husband at least once a month
• Set aside one day every week as "Family Day", or "Family Night" when the children are older. This should be the day that your husband is NOT involved in pastoral work - it is his DAY OFF. On this day the phone is NOT answered unless there is a life or death emergency. This is the day to play games, put together a puzzle, or come up with other activities that can be done with your children. Note that even when our children were in high school they were not allowed to schedule their part-time work on "Family Night".
• ENJOY your children. This may seem like a no-brainer, but we sometimes forget to simply have fun! Your children really will grow up and leave your home, and it will happen faster than you think.
• Devote yourself to the task of motherhood. It is full time work and it is a work that is often neglected. Your children will thank you.

I have stated that PW's share a heavier part of the child-bearing burden than their pastor-husbands. I want to express a word of caution : do not minimize your husband's role at home. While his physical presence at home may be less than what you would like, he still has a huge influence upon the stability of your home. This truth impacted me when my husband was seriously injured in a twenty foot fall. As he lay on a hospital bed, our children surrounded him, holding hands. Some were crying. We prayed together and the sweetness of that moment is a precious memory. I understood then that the stability and strength of our household was due to the character of my husband. I may handle more of the day-to-day events, but my pastor-husband is the head!

I have been blessed to wear "Mommy Shoes". I will be wearing them for the rest of my life. They are, without a doubt, my favorite shoes! "Mommy Shoes" have brought blessings and challenges. They have brought frustration and fulfillment. Most of all, they have provided pure JOY. If you are a Mommy who happens to be a PW, be encouraged by these words written by Dorothy Patterson in Chapter 22 of Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood :

"It is true that many 'perfect jobs' may come and go during the childrearing years, but only one will absolutely never come along again- the job of rearing your own children and allowing them the increasingly rare opportunity to grow up at home."