Mommy Shoes

It was 26 years ago that I first put on my "Mommy Shoes". After 21 hours of labor, I held our firstborn child, a little girl. The wonder of seeing this precious little life was overwhelming. Her tiny rosebud mouth, delicate fingers and dainty feet reminded me of Psalm 139:14 :

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." 

Over the course of years, we enjoyed the blessing of four more children to our family - a boy, a girl, and then two more boys. Each birth brought great wonder and greater responsibility. As disciples of Jesus, my husband and I understood that our responsibility included more than the provision of food, clothing, and shelter. Our greatest responsibility was to make our children disciples of Jesus Christ!

As a PW, the task of raising the children tends to fall more heavily upon us than upon our pastor-husbands. It is just the way it is. A pastor's schedule is full and unpredictable at times. He will often be gone during the day, and then during the evening as well. Sundays usually involve getting yourself and the children ready without the assistance of your husband. This means that you also must get everyone in the car and to their appropriate nurseries/classes on your own too! ( I remember expressing to my husband that at times I felt like a single mom. Have you ever felt that way?)

How should the PW respond to this extra level of responsibility? One response is to complain. This is not very productive! Complaining does not help your children and it certainly does not help your husband. A second response is to recognize that this is part of your ministry within the church as well as your ministry to your husband. Romans 12:1 always succeeds in giving me the right perspective:

" Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship."

But what about those times when you are absolutely exhausted and need a break? Let me share a few ideas to enable you to persevere:

• Have a regular weekly "meeting" with your husband to discuss schedules, any issues with your children, and to pray about the week. My husband and I have done this at different times as our family dynamics have changed through the years. 
• Schedule a date with your husband at least once a month
• Set aside one day every week as "Family Day", or "Family Night" when the children are older. This should be the day that your husband is NOT involved in pastoral work - it is his DAY OFF. On this day the phone is NOT answered unless there is a life or death emergency. This is the day to play games, put together a puzzle, or come up with other activities that can be done with your children. Note that even when our children were in high school they were not allowed to schedule their part-time work on "Family Night".
• ENJOY your children. This may seem like a no-brainer, but we sometimes forget to simply have fun! Your children really will grow up and leave your home, and it will happen faster than you think.
• Devote yourself to the task of motherhood. It is full time work and it is a work that is often neglected. Your children will thank you.

I have stated that PW's share a heavier part of the child-bearing burden than their pastor-husbands. I want to express a word of caution : do not minimize your husband's role at home. While his physical presence at home may be less than what you would like, he still has a huge influence upon the stability of your home. This truth impacted me when my husband was seriously injured in a twenty foot fall. As he lay on a hospital bed, our children surrounded him, holding hands. Some were crying. We prayed together and the sweetness of that moment is a precious memory. I understood then that the stability and strength of our household was due to the character of my husband. I may handle more of the day-to-day events, but my pastor-husband is the head!

I have been blessed to wear "Mommy Shoes". I will be wearing them for the rest of my life. They are, without a doubt, my favorite shoes! "Mommy Shoes" have brought blessings and challenges. They have brought frustration and fulfillment. Most of all, they have provided pure JOY. If you are a Mommy who happens to be a PW, be encouraged by these words written by Dorothy Patterson in Chapter 22 of Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood :

"It is true that many 'perfect jobs' may come and go during the childrearing years, but only one will absolutely never come along again- the job of rearing your own children and allowing them the increasingly rare opportunity to grow up at home."